“This job is taking away my confidence; I feel incompetent.”
“I am not a quitter; I want to make my manager shine.”
17 years later and I still remember my first manager
Their encouraging words, teaching moments, and continued guidance shaped me as a professional
I also remember the ugliness, discouraging, and gut-wrenching experience with many other bosses in my career.
Notice the choice of words Manager vs. Boss
Manager -> Motivator -> Mentor -> Coach
We make choices about the behaviors we bring into the workplace. Those choices directly impact the conversations and the relationships we build with our teams, affecting their productivity and quality of work.
Boss -> discourager ->judgmental -> distrust ->toxic
There isn’t formal training on how to be a Boss vs. a Manager.
We get a fancy management title and are expected to lead a set of individuals who have feelings, hopes, aspirations, insecurities, and stresses.
Your title gives you a choice to lift people or break them into pieces. IT’S a BIG job, and not everyone is cut out for it.
Here is what you can do on a practical level to be a Manager -> Motivator -> Mentor -> Coach
1. Stop attacking, blaming, punishing, gossiping, and judging – This is the I am the “right game.” Here you are seeing what is wrong with people vs. good.
2. Managers have fears of being rejected, failing, and tend to play the victim game – Admit to your weaknesses and self-doubt. Find the resources and grow.
“The highest form of intelligence is the ability to observe ourselves without judging” Jiddu Krishnamurti.
3. Be mindful, be very aware, take a deep breath, “What am I thinking,” “What am I doing,” You have a choice here to lift or break down your team.
4. Speak your truth but stay within your boundaries, be assertive but not aggressive. – This is an excellent place to be as a manager.
5. Display empathy, understanding, and compassion. Listen to your team and hold them in your presence. Focus on what is essential to the people in front of you and stay connected no matter what happens.
“I don’t like that man; I must get to know him better” Abraham Lincoln.
Find your balance as a manager, be rational, intelligent, and thoughtful. If you want to punish someone at work, go to #3 above and if you happen to go into #1, apologize for it and go back to #4.
Never forget that we are all humans with feelings, hopes, and aspirations regardless of the positions we hold. Be kind and give love in the workplace.